Tl;DR: Our spicey old Saturday Gourmet column is back for an occasional peek – meeting the ShopTalk mindset and fascination with “Having the right tools.” You see, having the right pan is like having the right saw blade — sure, you can hack it out, but why not make it smooth, easy, and a little flashy while you’re at it?”
Kitchen (and Household) Calibration
With the cooler weather showing up , this is always a good time to whip out the calibration tools and go around the house – and especially the kitchen.
This won’t set you back a fortune (try $22-bucks with Prime). Something like the Ektecity is good enough for “home use.” And uses? Lordy! Do we have uses! There’s oven, air fryer, steam oven, and turkey roaster temps to make note of. As long as we’re at it, let’s calibrate that microwave, huh?
Around the house? See which windows are leaking air (which means energy and money), plus there’s all those door air seals to be checked.
This genuinely is one of those “takes money to save money” situations. $22 bucks may seem like a fortune now. But getting a leg up on winter energy bills? Why not, right?
How to Calibrate Your Microwave
Most people treat their microwave like a magic box—press a button, wait a bit, and food comes out hot. But not all microwaves are created equal. The wattage rating on the door might say 1,100 watts, yet in practice your unit may deliver less (or more) depending on age, line voltage, or even how the manufacturer interprets the rating.
Recipes, frozen dinners, and cooking guides often assume a “standard” 1,000-watt microwave. If your unit is weaker, food comes out undercooked; if it’s stronger, you’ll dry things out or boil over. Knowing the actual cooking power of your microwave gives you confidence that when you follow directions, you’ll get predictable results. It also helps when writing your own “house recipes” so others in the family can repeat them with accuracy.
For us – old trailer in the woods – remember the original wiring (still in the kitchen walls) was #14 AWG (American Wire Gauge). So, when we put on a “heavy load” – the 1400 W micro or the 1,200 watt steam oven, there will be some voltage drop.
Since we know that power delivered is P (power) equals V (oltage) time (A)mps , we can quickly begin to “noodle out” that a 20 volt “sag under load” will reduce cooking power almost that amount. (We are zealots about biannual outlet screw wire-tightening – because loose wires start fires!)
Doing the Test
Needed: Your point and shoot digital thermometer and a Pyrex or other tempered glass measuring cup.
Directions: Testing is easy and doesn’t require lab gear—just water and a thermometer. The classic method is to measure one cup of cool water (about 250 ml at room temperature), put it in a microwave-safe container, and run the oven on high for exactly 2 minutes.
- Measure exact as you can one cup of water into your microwave-safe glass measurer.
- Give it a minute to temperature stabilize (1-2 minutes)
- Point the laser thermometer at the water surface and write down that reading. In C because the math is easier
- Microwave on high power for exactly 2 minutes..
What we’re after: Since water takes one calorie per gram per degree Celsius, you can calculate the power: temperature rise × grams of water ÷ time in seconds.
For example, if the water rose 30°C, that’s 30 × 250 g = 7,500 calories, or about 31,400 joules. Divide by 120 seconds and you’re at ~260 watts. If you used 2 cups instead of 1 (for better accuracy), you’d scale accordingly. This test gives you a “real world” wattage that you can compare to the sticker rating.
Once you have that number, the next step is building a calibration sheet. On one axis you note the actual wattage of your microwave, and on the other you create adjustment factors compared to the “recipe standard” of 1,000 watts.
For instance, if your machine measures 750 watts, you know it’s only 75% of standard, so you’ll need about 33% more cooking time. In the other direction, if it comes out 1,200 watts, you’ll reduce times by about 20–25%. With this cheat sheet taped inside a cupboard, you can quickly adjust times for popcorn bags, mug cakes, or reheating leftovers. Over time, you’ll notice patterns: maybe two minutes in your microwave equals three minutes on the package.
The calibration sheet becomes even more useful when multiple people are cooking. Instead of arguing over whether the soup is “done” or whether the burrito needs “just another 30 seconds,” everyone can check the chart. You can set up common foods (e.g., one baked potato, a frozen entrée, a cup of coffee) and list the tested times that really work in your kitchen. It’s like standardizing your oven, only faster.
Sound Easy? It is! Well, sort of….
There are a few trip wires, sure.
- Always begin with cold tap water. If you double the test measure, refigure the math.
- The second one is more dicey: If you have one of the new inverter type microwaves which are more energy efficient, some (like ours) will turn off the heating 10-20 seconds before time is up in order to allow the electronics to cool after a long cook cycle. When I measured ours? I used the 2 minute on high button and opened the door with one minute left, thus capturing the full one minute of cook power.
Finally, treating your microwave this way changes it from a “guess box” into a calibrated kitchen tool. Just as bakers swear by oven thermometers, microwave cooks can stop relying on vague intuition and instead rely on tested numbers.
A calibrated microwave means less food waste, fewer boil-overs, and more consistent meals. For prepper-minded households, it also means you can reproduce results under stress—whether that’s reheating stored food or making the most out of emergency rations. In short: measure once, chart it, and cook with confidence.
Cooking Temp Capture
The next stop packing your “thermometer gun”aroundwill be the kitchen stove oven.
Make this measurement on a cold day, so any energy used making the measurement will be recaptured as heat and keep your home toasty when it’s nice. Not something you test in the heat of summer, right?
Three measurements will get you really close to knowing what you’re cooking with. For this exercise, you can use your 30 pound pizza steel. You will just be turning on the oven, waiting a while, and then “shooting the steel” temp. It’s a large enough (thermal) mass that you’ll get a really good idea what your oven actually delivers.
Measure three temperatures as follows.
- Turn on the oven, set it to 200F and go have coffee for an hour (or longer, it will stabilize).
- Shoot the steel, jot down the temp.
- Next, bump the temp up to 325F – leave for more coffee or call someone and chat.
- Shoot the steel again and jot down the temp.
- Final step is (choice of 375 or 400F- or whatever you like) and again, set and go away for about 45 minutes. Yes, hotter temps will take a bit less time and we’ll skip the heat propagation rates through media based on differential temperatures lecture…
- After 45 min to an hour, jot this reading down, too.
Now, when you go to cook and directions on a (something) say “cook at 375 for 24 minutes (like a pizza, for example), you can have confidence that it will be close to what the pizza outfit had in mind.
And your baking and “low and slow” cooking will be to die-for because you can now nail temps with a great level of accuracy.
By the way, so important is getting temps right in “l;ow and slow” cooking that even opening the oven door for a “peek” can lose 15-20 minutes worth of low and slow heat. Keep the oven shut, if you’re on the clock.
Well done. Have seconds. Write a recipe and the cooking instructions. Show LOOB how to do in your way…
Memorize this chart – then eat it.
If your roasts have been coming out over – or under – done, it could be the problem is a lying oven. We’re here to help (and make sure the beer’s cold, too…).
Geezer’s Freezers
Jeezers, wheezers, it all begins from Zero Freezers. Which will take a little explaining. Walk with me…you carry the thermometer gun. Don’t point it at me, it’s a laser, eh?
The Lecture Beginneth: Most home freezers have a dial with numbers, not temperatures, so the only way to know what you’re really running is with a freezer thermometer. Place a simple alcohol or digital probe thermometer in a glass of water in the middle of the compartment, leave it for 12–24 hours, and check the reading. Or point the temp gun.
A properly cold freezer should be around 0°F (-18°C). That’s not just a good idea—it’s the industry standard. Food manufacturers assume their frozen pizzas, lasagnas, and entrées are sitting at roughly 0°F before you slide them into a preheated oven. Warmer freezers may mean soggier crusts or unsafe thaw-refreeze cycles; colder than that won’t hurt food quality, but it can lengthen cooking times.
Where you measure matters.
- The top shelf of many freezers tends to run a bit warmer—every time you open the door, warm kitchen air rolls in and settles up high.
- The bottom shelf is usually the coldest, since cold air sinks and isn’t disturbed as much.
- The middle shelves often run closest to the true setpoint and are the most stable. That middle zone is the “ready shelf” where your frozen pizza or casserole will be closest to the temperature food companies expect when they write “from freezer to oven” instructions. By keeping your thermometer there and rotating foods as needed, you can trust the timing on the box to closely match what comes out of your oven.
Ure’s Pizza Hack
Know why I make kick-ass pizza? Because I can slip the gap between self-rising pizza dough and violent food borne ill ness disease. Sure, everyone hears it when they’ve been cooking long enough. “Defrost the pizza, then toss in the oven – but give it an hour of two to rise…”
Bad idea, pup. Too long. That really is food borne illness country. Walk with me:
A self-rising frozen pizza is designed to go from rock solid 0°F straight into a preheated oven. That’s what manufacturers test for and print on the box. If you let it thaw some first, the dough relaxes and yeast bubbles can expand more, which does give a nicer lift and a softer chew. That’s why some people swear their “cheat method” makes the crust taste more like pizzeria pie.
The catch is time and temperature. The food safety “danger zone” for perishable foods is 40–140°F. Frozen pizza, once it creeps above 40°F, has cheese, meats, and sauce that can start to harbor bacteria. A good compromise: take the pizza out of the freezer and leave it on the counter for 20–30 minutes before baking. That takes the edge off, lets the crust start to loosen, but keeps the toppings still plenty cold. Going past an hour in a warm kitchen risks food safety and can even make the dough sticky or collapse before it hits the oven.
So the hack in practice is: preheat the oven first, let the pizza sit while the oven comes up to temp, and then bake. That way you get a livelier crust and keep within the safe margin.
You’ve been nice and attentive this morning…so how about another chart?
Go ahead and eat that one, too…
Other Appliances
Yes – when Thanksgiving draws near, we will do the same testing on the countertop turkey roaster. These may seem like a “rediculosity” but I get sick of messing with mitts and steamed up glasses getting the turkey out of the oven. Old isn’t just about getting lazy – it’s about getting smart.
Now Let’s Talk Turkey
This is flocking nutz…
Frozen turkeys generally start showing up in stores in early November, well ahead of Thanksgiving. That’s when distributors begin pushing the holiday stock out of warehouses, and grocery chains clear freezer space for the surge. By mid-November, availability ramps up sharply, with most retailers actively promoting both frozen and fresh birds about two weeks before the holiday.
If you’ve got freezer space, buying earlier is smart—you’ll get a wider selection of weights and usually catch better prices. Waiting until the final days before Thanksgiving often means slim pickings or only oversized turkeys left. The safe rule is: watch shelves in early November, shop seriously by mid-month, and don’t expect much choice if you wait until the last few days.
All summer long I’ve been banging on the Big Four in town: WalMart, Brookshires, Kroger, and Aldi’s trying to find a whole frozen turkey. I get cravings, right? *(better’n pickles and ice cream…)
Turkey in U.S. grocery supply really follows a holiday-driven cycle rather than year-round consistency. The industry gears up for two big waves: Thanksgiving in late November and Christmas in December. After that, demand collapses and so does the shelf space. My waistline tends to follow with a 3-4 month lag time…
By January, most chains stop featuring whole turkeys. Freezer inventory gets drawn down, and processors shift back to cutting birds into deli meats, ground turkey, and parts that sell steadily year-round. That’s why from spring through summer it’s tough to find a whole frozen turkey—you’re competing with seasonal grill meats (beef, chicken, pork) for freezer real estate, and stores don’t want to carry slow-moving stock. About May, when sweat season starts, I move back toward the boyish figure again…
The take out to place in your now calibrated oven? Turkey “season” runs November through December. Outside of that, only warehouse clubs, restaurant supply outlets, or specialty butchers are likely to carry whole birds. If you know you’ll crave a roast turkey in July, the trick is to buy an extra or two during the holidays and park them in your own freezer.
Which we are eating through at a frantic pace to make room for two birds which don’t keep in the bush…
ShopTalk’s Maguerfita Fajitas
Opening riff
Start with the setup: “Sometimes dinner just sneaks up on you. A package of Walmart preseasoned fajita meat, some green peppers going wrinkly in the crisper, and the usual tortillas. Add 75 years of eating experience, and suddenly we’ve invented Maguerfita Fajitas.” Best part? Chef’s sampling of ingredients is a blast!
The crystals hack
Talk about the lemon and lime crystals — cheap, shelf-stable, easy to measure, no waste. How they replace half-used citrus rolling around the fridge. Throw in a little “prepping meets cooking” angle — if the grid ever hiccups, you’ll still have your acid balance covered. That is, if there’s another around to cook. Just don’t forget the difference between freeze-dried schlock and pretty tasty is often just a shot of the right wine, a quarter teaspon of herbage and what can’t benefit from cheese?
The booze twist
Introduce the “what starts with C” memory jog — Cointreau, plus mirin as the balancing act. This is where you make it funny: Tex-Mex meets Japanese pantry, all held together with cream cheese and a hot tortilla.
Of course, the usual ingredients: The (sometimes salty) Wally World fajita meata. Moon some onions, thin slice the green peps. A schmear of cream cheese before popping the (have to be fresh) flautas in the ‘wave to blister. Dice up some tomatoes and go Edward Scissorhands on the lettuce. (You can stop now….stop!!! Stop or I’ll call the cops….)
Step-by… (in ShopTalk voice)
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Sear the meat like it owes you money. Or, put on an SJW crazy-eyed look. “Burn Baby Burn!” But not really…you’re just doing a flash fry in oil…(meds, remember?) Rescue the meat at the last possible second before it becomes overdone. (Like today’s column.) Set aside so it can work on a Will or notify next of kin…
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Char the peppers and onions in the evidence until they look like they’ve been through a border skirmish.
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Toss it all back in with a sprinkling of (we get to the fun part) lemon crystals, a shot of Cointreau, and a shot of mirin. Cook down until sticky. Not yucky… just sticky.
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Remember that cream cheese tortilla? On it, pile high the meat mix and chase with a Bud Ice (or Sutter Home if you’re classy like Elaine.). (I stopped my boycott of Bud because it was on sale and the weather was still hot…)
Chaser:
You may never get rich living close to the ground out in the woods, working your ass off all week on trading schemes, writing books, playing Paul Bunyon with the Lady of the Rake, but we do have fun. And we try never to run out of anything in the kitchen.
Like the shop, where the “One with the most toys wins...” In the Kitchen it’s “The best cook never goes home alone…” Oh, wait, was that the drummer or the guitar player?
I’ll go work on memory enhancement. You work on a slow and low for din-din…
Write when you get full of it, (mayhap I am already?)
Read the full article here